welcome to kimberland...

So I turned 34 last Wednesday (or entered into my 34th year, depending on which friend you ask).  I have to admit there was actually a moment of panic for awhile there, when I realized I would be entering the beginning of my mid-30's, also known as the swift ascent to my 40's.  See, I tend to think of decades in thirds as opposed to the standard 50/50: 30-33 = early thirties; 34-36 = mid-thirties; 37-39 = late thirties.  I don't really know when I started to look at ages this way, but when you think about it for a bit, it kinda makes sense.

I don't know about other folks but I do feel a little different now that I've entered this age range or state of mind. Not physically or anything like that, although I do hate the fact that it's much harder to lose weight after the big 3-0.  But I feel a bit more... settled.  Grounded, despite the chaos that is my life.  I remember feeling this way when I turned 30, happy to finally enter the age that I'd felt mentally for most of my life (I was always a very mature child, which is probably why I'm such an immature adult at times).  My body had finally caught up with my mind and I felt much more comfortable with myself, empowered by the lessons I'd learned in my 20's, yet still fabulously youthful looking.

Just six days into my 34th year, I am experiencing that same sense of ease and calm.  A bit like the silence that surrounds everything immediately after a tempestuous storm.  I know things aren't perfect but I feel as if the puzzle pieces of my life are slowly making their descent so that they'll eventually fall slightly into place.  I appreciate the things that matter in life more with each passing year, particularly the joys of knowing my parents in a completely different way.  We're on more level ground now that I'm an adult, and to hear them asking me for my advice, my ideas, my comfort is just incredible to me.  I've also come to realize that there may actually be more good in people than I'd previously thought, provided one surrounds oneself with the right kind.  I may not have the raging social life I had in my 20's, but the quality of the friends and acquaintances I have is far superior to anything I've ever known.

And I finally feel as if I've stumbled upon a career that will work for me AND make me happy.  Though it sounds cocky, all my life I've been too good at too many things: writing, singing, cooking, counseling, basic medical skills & superior diagnostic abilities sans training.  It's made it quite difficult for me to choose what path to follow and that's been part of why my life has been such a tornado of emotions and conflicts.  But now... now that I've learned my writing - and cooking - can bring such joy, support and comfort to others, through a medium I would have never imagined using for such a thing, I know in my heart that this is what I was meant to do.

These are the lessons I've learned at 30, 31, 32 and 33.  And they are the building blocks to a more confident, settled me as I enter this new phase of life.  I know I have a lot of work to do: on myself, on my potential writing career, on my social life (I really need to quit isolating).  But I also know that this work does pay off, slowly but surely, and that's okay.  I have plenty of time to grow and learn and experience life.  And, good or bad, I can't wait to see what the future brings.

For now, I'll just enjoy the wonders of being smarter, more confident and far wiser despite the scars life's struggles have left.  They're like badges of honor: difficult and painful to earn, but treasured for their rewards of wisdom and patience.

 To being 34-midable*!



*If you're reading this aloud or imagining my voice as you read, just remember 34-midable should always be pronounced with a hearty French accent. :)